he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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