It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
