you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
