where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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