Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
