just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come share oat with me in your robe
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
