my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
