We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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