Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
