mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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