She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
