apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
