Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
