i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
