well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
