i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize