I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
