the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
