I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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