addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Operation Purity has been aborted
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
