I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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