Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
