We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
