She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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