I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
