dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
