I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
