Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize