the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't deserve a penis
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
