i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
