Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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