I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you made out with another girl for some wings
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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