So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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