my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize