butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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