He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
