Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize