I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize