How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
