Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
