very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
