We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
