dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
