I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
