Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
