Your tits are I can't wait for
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize