i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
