im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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