I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
