I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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