so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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