ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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