This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
