I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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