did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
