You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
