the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
