Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
