Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize