I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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