She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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