i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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