naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
