I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
