wat bout pragnant strippers??
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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