K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We smell like vodka and hangover
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