Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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