wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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