When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
